I want to be like Mike



Contributing Writer
perugini


Mike Perugini died unexpectedly last week at the age of 37.  You may not know Mike, and I’m disappointed to say that I didn’t really either.

You see, I went to college with Mike and to say that we weren’t close is an understatement.  The fact of the matter was that I was an insecure kid, and I wasn’t particularly nice to Mike.  I would encounter him from time-to-time years removed from college and he still was apprehensive about everything I said and did, thinking that I was still the insecure jackass that I was a couple of decades before.

Except for those few moments, I don’t think Mike thought of me at all.  He didn’t have to.  He had a way of endearing himself to his friends and co-workers that made them truly love him.  Throughout the years it’s always been remarkable to me how beloved Mike was.  By driving a wedge between us and not repairing it, I missed out on the opportunity to know a truly great guy.  Mike followed his heart and seemed to do everything that he wanted to do in life.

I say this as I see people letting politics or pettiness drive wedges between them and their friends (and even families).  When you think about what drives us to treat someone badly or get into a spat, it’s always rooted in insecurity.  With the benefit of hindsight, I wish I was a more self-aware person when I was 20 years old.  I wouldn’t feel the regret that I did when I found out that Mike passed away.  The self-awareness excuse only goes so far, though.

In the back of my mind I always hoped to run into Mike someday and tell him that I was sorry for being a jackass to him back when we were in college.  It’s always been something that I’ve been ashamed of.  For whatever reason be it pride or risk,  I never made it a priority to do.  The fact that his life was cut so short is a real tragedy, and its a reminder to me that there’s no time like the present to tell someone that you care or that you’re sorry.

Mike Perugini lived a life surrounded by people who adored him.  You probably didn’t know him any better than me, but in his honor if you have a phone call that you’ve been putting off, or an apology that is long overdue I hope you’ll consider doing it.

If Paul McCartney was right to say that “in the end, the love you get is equal to the love you give,” then I have a lot of work to emulate the example of Mike Perugini.  Rest in peace, Mike.

Mike Perugini Obituary

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Jim Dougherty

Jim Dougherty

Writer and chief of miscellany at leaderswest.com

I aspire to give people something to think about rather than tell them what to do. My favorite Google Alert is “social media research,” I am increasingly compelled by Gen Z, and I appreciate good writers agnostic of where they write. At one time I was Kred’s 12th most influential social media blogger and Klout’s most influential person on the topic of David Hasselhoff. Transplant from Seattle living in Cincinnati. Haven’t entirely adopted the local sports teams yet.

Jim Dougherty

@jimdougherty

Writer about social media and tech at Leaders West, I also tweet as @leaderswest.

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Jim Dougherty

Jim Dougherty

  • http://twitter.com/ChattyProf Ellen Bremen

    Jim, this was a poignant post. Sure, you didn’t get to have the words with Mike. But these words give you the repair and closure. My students and I talk about this in my interpersonal course. We don’t know the way another person will respond. Closure is sometimes more for us than for another person. Sounds like Mike was very loved, regardless. How tragic that his life was lost so young. Ellen

  • http://twitter.com/RobinEThornton Robin E. Thornton

    Hey Jim, it takes strength of character to admit that you wronged Mike. But you are not the same man now that you were in those days. And this may be the reason why some of us live longer than others – we have more to learn. You’re advice is excellent, though, do it now so you never have to live with regrets.

  • http://barrettrossie.com/ Barrett Rossie

    I just want to second what Ellen wrote, and to thank you for sharing this story and lesson.

  • http://twitter.com/KareAnderson Kare Anderson

    I deeply admire your humility and candor… and specificity in write this remembrance-as-lesson for us all Jim. it caught me up short and at the right time. Your column is my nudge to call two people to whom I should have apologized years ago and meant to… and still have the chance to. Thank you!

  • jimdougherty

    Thanks Ellen, of course I thought of you when using the word “repair.”

  • jimdougherty

    Thanks Robin!

  • jimdougherty

    That’s wonderful to hear Kare! Thank you so much for reading and commenting!

  • Heidi

    This was a great read. I stumbled upon it and am so glad I did. My heart goes out to Mike’s friends and family.

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